My Thoughts on Paper – A Written Journal of my Personal Fears and Triumphs

Author: Kissa  :  Category: Personal

Source: Personal Photo

There’s still something to be said about hand-writing something. A card, a journal, a letter…There’s just so much of your personal self that goes into it. The way your handwriting shows emotion is fascinating to me. Where you press harder and lighter with your pen, the way you cross your t’s and dot your i’s…it’s art in itself.

 

Through the years I’ve tried to keep a journal of my personal thoughts, favorite quotes, etc. It helped me to not just clear my thoughts, but also to get things off my chest that I felt no one in the world could understand. It gave me a sense of freedom, honesty, and security. It’s not that I have deep dark secrets, I’m actually a pretty open book. It’s more of having the fear of telling people about my fears, insecurities, and vulnerability. Writing it down makes it seem more real and concrete. Once it’s down on paper it’s as if I admit that it’s true and it helps me to accept it, talk to others about it, and grow/make it better.

Since the beginning of this year, I was lucky enough to find my writing style: a little prayer at the top and then what I call “buzz words” down at the bottom. This allows me to talk freely, let my hand move, and see what happens. It has helped me gain so much clarity and it has helped me to realize that there is a safe place for me to be personal. But what’s even better is after it’s written down, I’m not scared of it any more.

 

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The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Author: Kissa  :  Category: Personal

Things have been pretty wonderful lately, and I am so grateful. Wedding plans are coming along nicely, lots to do, but that’s expected. Honeymoon plans have begun, shopping for airfare now and can’t wait for the sweet moment when we land on that beautiful island. I’m beginning to find balance in my career and personal life. Though I’m still building, setting a good foundation for success, and working through the details, I am beginning to find peace amidst all the “distractions” and “negativity” that come around here and there. Do I choose to let the negativity get to me? No. Do I choose to dwell on a situation I can’t control? Not anymore. I just let all the sadness out and cry to myself (or to Charlie) for a bit and let it go. Why? Because thanks to God I can see the world in a brighter light. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But it sure is peaceful up here. :)

So why am I writing this personal post? Once again, it’s to hold me accountable. I’m not willing to go back to where I used to be or be who I used to be. I don’t want to go back to uncertainty, feeling lost, overwhelmed, and all those things that put knots (bad knots) in my stomach. I don’t want to be chasing something knowing that in my gut, I should be focusing on something else. And I have to admit, the past years of my life have been just that. But I’m going to stop, and start chasing what I really want out of life. So here you go, internet, this is what I need you to hold me accountable for:

1. Learn to say no. Simple and clear.
2. Filtering out the negativity in my life – people and things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for everything I’ve experienced and everyone that I’ve met, it has brought me to this very moment (In fact, sometimes thinking about the series of events that lead you up to the present is a fascinating topic for me. But that’s another post all in itself.). But things change, people change, the world turns, and I have to move on. Not for spite, to burn a bridge, or to forget – no. But because I want to experience continued positivity, challenge, and happiness. The people and things I want around me are the people and things that are going to make me better. Challenge me to learn more, inspire me so I can inspire others, make me want to be a better person so I can give more…those are the things I want in my life.
3. Believe in myself. I have the hardest time accepting who I am now. So much so that I seek assurance and acceptance from others. While that’s called for some times I know that I need to make my own decisions for myself and if it sits right with me then I should at least try. I always wish I was doing something else, but really, how is that a way to live? Today, I will build the blocks to be happy with what I have and who I am now while trying to better myself and achieve my goals for the future.

Ok, let’s leave it at that for now. The last thing I want is to overwhelm myself. Ok, I have to admit. I’m a little nervous to share this post, but I have to. I know it’ll be for the best. So here we go, Internet. Who wants to help me stay accountable for these things? :)

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Patience is my Biggest Struggle

Author: Kissa  :  Category: advice, Personal

Well hello, Internet. It’s been a while. Let’s cut to the chase, I don’t really feel much like beating around the bush.

Ever since I started this blog, I’ve been going through a personal journey. At times things were good, at times they were a struggle. At times I felt like I found “IT” and then at other times I felt lost. This personal journey has effected every aspect of my life. Personally (of course), professionally, and spiritually. So, why am I saying this? What makes this post different from every other post I’ve written since they’ve all been about struggle, balance, busy work, personal triumph…

Today I realized 2 things - something life changing. 1: Patience is my biggest struggle. It’s something I don’t have, but something I need. I can’t have all the answers right now, it doesn’t work that way. I understand that now. And before today, I demanded those answers. I needed those answers. But now, I see that I don’t. Those answers will reveal themselves to me when it’s the right time. And until then, I will pray for those answers and try to continue to remind myself that patience truly is a virtue.

2: I realized that this journey I am on will never end. And now I’m okay with that. There may be victories and defeats throughout the  journey, but it’s going to continue. The puzzle will only continue to grow bigger with more pieces to add to the final product. And before today, I thought that once I reached the short and long term goals I set for myself then this journey for me will end. Why? Because then I’ve arrived. But no. It isn’t going to end. It isn’t going to end because I know when I get there, I’m going to push for more. I not going to settle for my goals because I know God knows where I am supposed to end up. The goals that I set for myself are only within the hopes and dreams I am capable of understanding. But He knows more, He knows all. And He is what I want to live for. Because He will help me become what I was meant to be, and help me to discover my full potential.

So what are my hopes in sharing this on my blog today? I hope that others will also realize this for themselves. Those that struggle as I do with anything in their life, I hope this helps them some how. And for those that do, don’t be afraid. We’re not alone, we’re in it together. And though our struggles may be different, we all struggle together. Your journey makes you unique, as does mine. And I hope that you find that special instead of a burden.

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Weigh in for March – dun Dun DUN!!!!

Author: Kissa  :  Category: Personal

Here we go again. Another month has gone by and I don’t feel confident about my weigh in. I always have this pre-conceived vision in my head about what I’m expecting and that always leads to a let down. But anyway, more on that later in the post. Here it goes….

There was no change. :( NONE. I am so disappointed in myself.

BUT, I can’t keep feeling sorry for myself. I only have myself to blame for this. So, I’m going to pick up the pieces and move forward. This is a learning curve right? What I know is, I stopped calorie counting. That needs to start again. I need to increase my workouts. Though I said I would go 3 times a week last month, I didn’t. So this month, it’s going to happen. It WILL happen. I have 6 more months until my wedding, so I have 6 more weigh in’s to go. I need to make them all count.

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‘It’s Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies’ – My Struggle with Balance

Author: Kissa  :  Category: Personal

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.Proverbs 3:5,6″

These past few weeks have been…what’s the word – EVERYWHERE. I hate when I have to admit this, but I feel like I’ve been off balance, not in my zone, going through the motions…just NOT where I want to be. On the outside I feel like I’m put together, or at least I try to look like I am. But internally I feel like I’m ripping my hair out.

It’s been getting to me. I’ve been really hard on myself to get to work, but for some reason I just haven’t had the strength within me to get up off my butt and do it. At the end of the day, my dialogue goes something like this, “It’s 6 pm, and you haven’t done sh*t. What’s wrong with you? The more you put off the work, the more overwhelming it will be when you decide you need to catch up. You’re being lazy, you’re not being productive, you’re just digging yourself into a deep hole. Get up tomorrow and stop being so lazy!”

But today, I feel a slight turn of events. I went to visit the Making Things Happen Tumblr today and found a post by Gina that completely spoke to me. After reading her post, I know what I have to do. I have to re-write my inner voice. I have to let myself be me, in whatever way, so that I can in turn be productive. Me sitting at my desk and going through the motions while doing 1 task on my to-do list every 2-3 hours isn’t going to cut it. Especially if I’m going to be so hard on myself for “not doing enough.” So I decided, I need to change the way I think and work.

Yesterday I realized something very important about myself which is helping me push to be better today. My personality operates like a row of dominos. Each domino represents a facet of my life: family, friends, love life, work #1, work #2, etc. When all the dominoes are standing in a row and 1 is off balance even the slightest bit, all my dominoes crash. This is where my problem lies. When there’s one small slip up, my whole world comes crashing down.

Image Source

My work to change this starts today. Step 1, address the issue – CHECK. Step 2, evaluate each facet of my life and figure out where I stand with each one. Am I behind, am I actually doing pretty well, am I ready to push myself a little further in that area, etc. Step 3, create my action plan to find balance again. Step 4, pray for guidance and let God lead me where I am supposed to go.

Have you struggled with finding balance or putting too much pressure on yourself?

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For Japan With Love

Author: Kissa  :  Category: Personal

From the moment I was introduced to the wedding industry, I knew I’d be hooked. I knew in my heart of hearts, this is where I belong. And today, I write about yet another reason why I love what I do – the people I work with and meet.

The wonderful ladies at Ever Ours and Utterly Engaged came together and started a fundraiser for those victimized by the earthquake in Japan called For Japan with Love. At this moment they have surpassed their goal and are still raising money! The efforts these ladies have made to spread the word about their fundraising and the response they received from the wedding community is beyond moving. Definitely heart warming to see people come together to help for the better good of others and not themselves.

On Friday, they are offering a Blogger’s Day of Silence to acknowledge the devastation happening on the other side of the world. If you have a blog and would like to participate, please contact them and let them know you will be and join us!

To those that would also like to make a donation, you can do so at www.forjapanwithlove.com or simply click on the image below.

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February Weightloss Recap

Author: Kissa  :  Category: Personal

Here we go again. The nerves that come along with the weigh-in are never fun. But that fear of facing either good or bad news is something I’ve got to face. This month? Pretty good news :)

I say pretty good because i’m going to let out the bad first. I gained 1.5 lbs. this week. BUT! I’m not letting that get me down because I *drumroll please* lost 7″ all around this past month. I couldn’t believe it! Thank goodness for the fact that muscle weighs more than fat :D

So so far, my weight has been the same since I started in Jan. however I’ve lost a total of  12.25″ since I started this lifestyle change. Woot!

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January Weightloss Recap – How Did I Do?

Author: Kissa  :  Category: Personal

It was Feb. 4th, I actually started to dread this day. What if nothing has changed, what if I actually gained weight instead? I had to remind myself that no matter what it said, I could do it. I could achieve my weight loss. If I did get more fit, then GREAT! If not, I know what I need to improve on, I just need to get up and do it. But there is one thing I do know: I. WILL. NOT. STOP. Why? Because I believe in myself that I can do this.

January was unbelievably hectic, but hey, that doesn’t sound new. Seems as if every time I post things on the blog I get even crazier than the last! Because of all the things on my to do list, I have to sadly admit that I haven’t been keeping to my diet and exercise as I should. Especially during the last week of January, I completely fell off the wagon. Because of not having a refrigerator, moving, wedding planning, and the bakery my schedule and diet has been completely out of whack. I don’t think I’ve eaten this much take out and fast food in the span of a week since college. And let me just say, it does not make me feel good.

However, there is something to be proud of! I did still lose weight and all-around inches this month despite my unhealthy eating habits. Woo! So here are the stats:

Weight: Loss of 2.2 lbs.
All-around inches: 5.25″

Goals for Feb:
1. Continue to go to the gym AT LEASE 3 times a week.
2. Do more yoga.
3. Go back to calorie counting via Livestrong App.
4. Eat regularly.
5. Drink tea every day.

Lastly, I want to thank everyone for supporting me on the personal improvement journey. Your support continues to push me in the right direction, inspire me, and challenge me. I am grateful beyond words!

PS: Excuse the mess of boxes in the picture, we’re moving!

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Month 1 with Weightloss – How am I Doing it?

Author: Kissa  :  Category: Personal

1 week has gone by since my brave (maybe naive, but brave nonetheless) post to lose 5 pounds a month. I wanted to take this time to share with others what I am doing to actually achieve this goal. Hopefully others might find this useful and maybe want to share some secrets with me as well.

1. The Livestrong App. I love this thing. The calorie tracker keeps me in line with my caloric intake and it has Filipino food in here which helps since it’s hard to find that in other calorie counters. Not only that but I can log my work outs and figure out how much weight I want to lose a week. Very helpful app.

2. Gym Membership. I am making a goal to go to the gym AT LEAST 3 times a week. This week, I am going 5 days to try and push myself to my limit.

3. Analyze which work outs I enjoy most. This is really important. I found myself being lazy or telling myself “I’ll go to the gym tomorrow” when I don’t enjoy my workouts. Luckily for me my gym has tons of fitness classes with different levels to keep me challenged. When I get tired of one thing I have a lot of options to do something else.

4. Changing my lifestyle. This has to be the hardest part for me. In the time I have decided to lose weight, I knew this wasn’t just for the wedding. It’s for my health and well being. That means a lifestyle change. I grew to like tofu (I actually prefer it now over chicken most of the time), I eat more vegetables, I eat 3 meals a day with 2 snacks in between, I stay active, and I make time for myself. There are going to be those days when I’m going to want something really “bad.” But I won’t deny myself when I have a craving, but I might change it up. For example, I might have baked french fries instead of fries. I’ll have a small instead of a large. I’ll drink more water and less soda/juice. Yadda, yadda, yadda…

I also like to research new healthier alternatives to great foods. More on this later!

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Goal #1 – Losing 5 Pounds a Month for 10 months

Author: Kissa  :  Category: Personal

Just like many others with new year’s resolutions, one of mine is to lose weight and get healthy. I have 10 months before my wedding, and I am determined to get healthy by then. Why? Not just for looks and vanity, but also for health. My family has a history of diabetes, gout, high blood pressure, high cholesterol…you name it. And I’m determined not to be on that same boat.

So my goal is to lose about 5 pounds a month for 10 months. My plan is not to lose 50 pounds per say, just consistently lose weight every month and 5 sounded like a nice round number.

So here we go, here is a current picture. All the ugly in its goodness. No make up, no frills, no nothing. On the 4th of every month, I’m going to post up my progress or lack there of (but I’M SURE there will be progress :D ) with an updated picture.

I’ll be posting my tools to make this happen here and there, just in case anyone out there wants some resources.

Like I said in my last post, 2011, LET’S DO THIS!

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