‘It’s Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies’ – My Struggle with Balance

Author: Kissa  //  Category: Personal

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. -¬†Proverbs 3:5,6″

These past few weeks have been…what’s the word – EVERYWHERE. I hate when I have to admit this, but I feel like I’ve been off balance, not in my zone, going through the motions…just NOT where I want to be. On the outside I feel like I’m put together, or at least I try to look like I am. But internally I feel like I’m ripping my hair out.

It’s been getting to me. I’ve been really hard on myself to get to work, but for some reason I just haven’t had the strength within me to get up off my butt and do it. At the end of the day, my dialogue goes something like this, “It’s 6 pm, and you haven’t done sh*t. What’s wrong with you? The more you put off the work, the more overwhelming it will be when you decide you need to catch up. You’re being lazy, you’re not being productive, you’re just digging yourself into a deep hole. Get up tomorrow and stop being so lazy!”

But today, I feel a slight turn of events. I went to visit the Making Things Happen Tumblr today and found a post by Gina that completely spoke to me. After reading her post, I know what I have to do. I have to re-write my inner voice. I have to let myself be me, in whatever way, so that I can in turn be productive. Me sitting at my desk and going through the motions while doing 1 task on my to-do list every 2-3 hours isn’t going to cut it. Especially if I’m going to be so hard on myself for “not doing enough.” So I decided, I need to change the way I think and work.

Yesterday I realized something very important about myself which is helping me push to be better today. My personality operates like a row of dominos. Each domino represents a facet of my life: family, friends, love life, work #1, work #2, etc. When all the dominoes are standing in a row and 1 is off balance even the slightest bit, all my dominoes crash. This is where my problem lies. When there’s one small slip up, my whole world comes crashing down.

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My work to change this starts today. Step 1, address the issue – CHECK. Step 2, evaluate each facet of my life and figure out where I stand with each one. Am I behind, am I actually doing pretty well, am I ready to push myself a little further in that area, etc. Step 3, create my action plan to find balance again. Step 4, pray for guidance and let God lead me where I am supposed to go.

Have you struggled with finding balance or putting too much pressure on yourself?


2 Responses to “‘It’s Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies’ – My Struggle with Balance”

  1. Helena Says:

    I admire your strength and bravery for admitting all of this. Negative self talk is so defeating, I know, I do it too. It’s hard to stop but I think you are on the right track. It sounds like you have a great plan in place. Make it happen girl, I know you can!

  2. Kissa Says:

    Thank you for the encouragement Helena. It’s scary to admit all these things, but I know that it will help me to be better. Hopefully I can also help others that might be going through the same thing.